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Classmate Critique Results


Phil and Jackson listened to my Persuasive Narrative. They liked it and offered some suggestions on how to improve it. I also noticed some things to change during the reading that I hadn't noticed before.

1. Clean up some of sentences by removing commas and combine with a fragment sentence that follows.

2. Shorten by removing some redundant material.

3. Eventually I would like to add more photos than the one on the main page, as well as videos.

All the things that I mention in this narrative actually happened, but not all on the same day. Unfortunately I do not have photos or videos of these exact occurrences. I especially wish I had a video of the guy with the dog. Since that summer of 2016 I have been taking photos of the sidewalks, but will resume doing so with greater diligence now for this narrative.




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